The Angel’s Loft
Thoughts on Love & Relationships
The Desperate Dating Dance
I watched an episode of “Desperate Housewives” last night… except it wasn’t the television series, it was on good ‘ole Dr. Phil… I have a sorta love/hate relationship with Dr.Phil, but don’t tell him that. It might fracture his fragile “get real” ego….
Dr. Phil’s TOPIC was interesting, but the execution of it was just plain poor. There was no conclusion, and no “hammer the theme home” punch line. The topic was “Desperate Mistakes”… explaining that we women that reach a certain age group overlook things in a potential mate that in our earlier years were deal breakers. It seems that the more we age, the more we forgive and comply, simply because of factors such as biological time clocks, and not wanting to be alone but be with SOME body that will occupy space. Hmmm. I’m still digesting this one.
Granted, in our earlier years, guys that were crude, rude and obnoxious were definitely off the list… guys that were overwhelmingly nice (as in showing up with a boquet of flowers every time he saw you) gee, must be something “desperate” about him… guys that didn’t open car doors were off the “list” also. Yep, we women in our early years were picky, picky, picky.
As we grew into our 30’s, and our careers were well under way, we became less picky. Some of us WANTED to open our own car doors. Some of us needed to make a statement that we were independent and no “gold digger”.
Into our 40’s (if you’ve reached this point) suddenly the stilettos came out, and we were empowered to learn to love ourselves. We were strong, and could care less if there was a man around. We actually looked forward to our girl lunches, and considering whom to date. 40’s are a fabulous time. (well, I thought so).
Then, as 50 approached, something happened. That strong powerful woman realized she didn’t want to be alone. Suddenly, any man would “do”. At least this was the case on the Amazing Dr. Phil show last night. I actually felt bad for her, because she was redefining the word “compromise”. Her fiancee cheated on her, was an alcoholic, I am assuming beat her on a few occasions (she plead the 5th) but, at 48, she was determined to get married and live the dream. HER dream. She needed a husband, a baby, and in that order.
To ME, compromise is overlooking dirty socks on the floor. It’s learning to adjust to someones habits, NOT their basic fundamental character and tendency to check out if the grass is really greener on the other side. Compromise does not mean that you LOWER your standards – and I don’t care HOW old you are. If you lower your standards merely to accommodate what it is that you THINK you want, you’re in for a rough ride.
One can love a lot of people in a lifetime, however; a life-mate and partner that will tolerate behaviors in you, just as you tolerate behaviors in him/her…well, this is a different story. If the behaviors are destructive to either one of you, what good is it? I’ve always maintained that it is so much better to live alone in peace, than to live with someone that surrounds your life with constant chaos.
And, as far as that biological clock? Interesting to examine. Did it occur to you that perhaps SOME of us were not meant to reproduce, that the Universe has other plans for us? A rhyme and a reason for everything.
Marrying someone simply because it’s ‘time” … WHOSE “timing” are you adhering to? Your ‘timing’ or what you consider to be ’socially acceptable’?
And, one more thing. If you don’t think that others can sniff out desperation in your energy field, think again. YOUR energy field produces what your desires and fears are. You can easily soften this simply by inhaling white light, and exhaling your fears, and still keep your intentions “out there”. Don’t go on a date with tons of expectations, simply ‘BE’ in the moment.
As for the “Desperate Mistakes” part – I have this theory. We don’t make ‘mistakes’ we experience lessons based on the choices we make.
Food for thought, as always. Make it a great day!