Congratulations! After three long years in a relationship that should have lasted three days, you’ve finally managed to leave the toxic person in your life behind. You begin again, full of triumph that you had the courage to recognize what wasn’t good for you, was never going to BE good for you, so you put your boots on and walked away.
Breathing a sigh of relief that the toxic relationship is no longer a part of your life, you manage to become the person that you were prior to engaging with him/her, and discover an entire world you’ve been missing out on. Yeah for you!!!
Then “it” happens. Within a month your ex finds another partner. Let the “hangover” commence. There’s a slight tug on your heart strings. You question this, and think it’s silly. It’s ridiculous – you certainly don’t want that relationship back. Do you?
You wonder how, after three years of a committed relationship, your ex can just happily find someone and move on. You have been focusing on getting your life back, healing, making your alone time precious, filling your emptiness with activities – yet your ex can just snap fingers and someone else is taking your place. It’s as if three years has been discredited, or worse – diminished to totally insignificant.
Let the silliness begin to turn into loathing…anger… feeling disrespected… foolish that you invested so much time into someone that, had they shown the slightest bit of caring for you, you’d still be with him/her. How can it be so EASY when you are still HEALING over it all?
Suddenly, without warning, you find that you WANT this person. At least you THINK you want this person. You’re not taking the thought process back through the years of tears, grief, anger, and continually apologizing because NOTHING you did was right. You are mad that your ex is smiling, having a great time with someone new.
This, my friends, is what I call the “Relationship Hangover”. Take two aspirin, and be GRATEFUL that your ex’s problems are now being handled by the new interest. As difficult as it may be for YOU, understand that the reason your ex was so eager to jump into something so quickly isn’t a statement about YOU, it’s about your ex. Pathetically unable to be alone, desperately needing someone to fill the void, aching for anyone to take away the pain of the breakup and give the ability to shift a focus from hurt to happy.
Take a closer look. The reason YOU two didn’t work is because of all the emotional baggage that continued to interfere in your relationship. Perhaps your ex went to YOU with the same intent of “getting over someone that hurt him/her”? These kind of people will continue to carry their emotional UNRESOLVED issues with them from stop to stop because they are INCAPABLE of being alone to actually RESOLVE their issues.
It’s human to want to be happy. It’s human to hurt when you see your ex happy without you. Just be sure that you are completely truthful with yourself – it’s not the ex you want back, you want to be happy, too. And happiness comes with being able to thoroughly enjoy your OWN company first.
Hang in there! Your time to shine is around the corner!