Yes, we are responsible for our choices. Sometimes, however; those choices appear to be forced on us in such a subtle way that we are dumbstruck when we step back just a bit to actually see that it isn’t caring and loving – it’s just that we allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of. I don’t know if it’s the love that some of us put out there, or the caring co-dependent nature of the beast that screams “YES, I CAN AND YES I WILL” that puts us in this situation. Ultimately, though, it is critical that YOU and YOU ALONE are the one responsible for the choice you made to put you in the situation.
What, exactly, are the signs of being taken advantage of? Here are my top 5. Feel free to add your own, too, in the comment section below.
1. “You are the first one I thought of…..” that would do what I assume you’ll do because you always do what I (don’t) ask of you, but tell you.
2. “Do me a favor” – is a good line that the person taking advantage of you always uses, then never does YOU a favor or is there when YOU may need that person.
3. “Would you….” is also a good start to telling you what they need from you. Bear in mind, this is not accompanied with a “please”….
4. “I know you won’t mind doing this….” Why? Because it’s become a pattern that you will do what you are (sorta) “asked” to do.
5. “You need to….” is another classic way the person taking advantage of you insinuates that you’re “needing” to do things better and for that person.
Basically, the bottom line is that it is YOUR choice to say “NO, I can’t”, but the person has implied promises to you that you are hoping he/she will keep. Whether it’s a boss that has promised a promotion, or a relationship where he/she has implied that you’re “important”.
In the latter case of a relationship, obviously there is no respect from the person taking advantage of you, it’s all about his/her needs and what he/she wants. It’s very selfish, but you may be so entangled in what YOU desire, that you fail to see the reality.
Wake up, smell the coffee, and stop being a doormat to someone that assumes things from you without even talking to you about those things. “How do you feel about….” is a loving way to open up a dialogue about decisions.
You make your choices, and you take responsibility for them, and that is the truth. No one forces you or guilts you into anything that you aren’t open to in the first place. No fair whining about your situation. You got there, you get out of it.
Sending you angels,