You’re in a relationship, and everything to YOU appears to be going great! You’re happy, you are with the person you love, then you discover someone else is in your relationship, too.
Your first inclination is to take it personal and scream “what did I do???”. However; most of the time, people that cheat is NOT a statement about your lack of love for each other – it goes much deeper. It isn’t about YOU, it’s about your partner. Below are my top 5 reasons why people cheat. Feel free to add your comments in the discussion!
- Boredom. It’s not that your partner is bored with YOU, your partner is bored with his/her LIFE and seeks attention from an outside source. This is the same thrill as “smoking behind the barn” and hoping not to get caught. He/she is more aroused by the thought of getting caught, than the actual act, itself.
- Selfish. You are doing everything that you can, but your partner wants MORE attention, MORE validation, and well, just MORE. Obviously, your partner is not thinking of the ramifications of the action it may have on YOU, your partner is in the moment of what he/she WANTS. He/she believes a certain amount of entitlement is due to them. When confronted, often times this individual will become overly defensive, and the first reaction is to run.
- Insecure. While you are everything that he/she wants, there is doubt within and to make sure that you aren’t just “comfortable” with your relationship, your partner feels the need to validate that he/she is still desirable to others. Yes, this also accompanies selfish.
- Chaos Addict. Your partner is not used to having such a loving relationship. He/she may have grown up in an environment with fighting, alcohol abuse, and this is the relationship role models that he/she is accustomed to. If there’s no drama, it can’t be love, right? If there’s no drama your partner will CREATE the drama, thus providing the opportunity to make up with you and settle things down (for now). What the chaos addict does not realize is that each time an indiscretion is made, your trust in him gets smaller and smaller. This is the Partner that will INSIST “I don’t want DRAMA” in my life – yet every opportunity that comes along, he/she will CREATE the drama!
- Player. You have someone that says ALL the right things to you, does ALL the romantic things for you, but has the need to keep a few women/men on a string. This is in case *Plan A* doesn’t work out, he/she always has other options. This person is not capable of a deep romantic long term relationship, the thought of deep commitment to one person is terrifying! As in: “what if I am missing the boat with *Plans B,C,D,E,F* ??? The Player always feels the grass is greener on the other side, and instead of staying in his/her yard, will always feel the need to explore. Be aware, however; that you won’t KNOW about others, because the Player has the ability to make excuses for not seeing you SO believable, and has the right smooth words to ensure that you feel like you are the ONLY one.
Being cheated on is one of the worst betrayals that we face in a relationship. As the person that remains loyal through all the cheating, then discovers that HE/SHE hasn’t been loyal to you is so bewildering. We have a tendency to beat up on ourselves, blame ourselves, feel foolish that we didn’t see it sooner, wonder why our love wasn’t returned – well, on and on.
If you do ONE thing today, please remember that it isn’t a statement on YOU – it’s about your Partner, and fulfilling his/her needs.