Have you noticed that when everything settles down in a relationship and you think all is just dandy – your significant other starts to act weird? You may really enjoy just sitting watching a movie with your S.O., and like the peaceful quiet between the two of you; but if you’re with someone addicted to crisis, chaos, and drama, I can guarantee you that suddenly he/she will find a way to introduce this into the relationship.
Why? Because a crisis, chaos and drama addict NEEDS this to divert feelings. As children, we live in chaotic surroundings in a family environment. When it’s chaotic, we can rush about so we don’t have to FEEL. By creating crises, we can continue to feel the out of control, and lack of manageability that we learned from childhood.
Emotionally stunted people typically are drama addicts. If you are in a peaceful space, just enjoying the morning with a cup of coffee, this can be considered an intimate moment. You are in a space of just “being”. A crisis, chaos, and drama addict will interrupt this moment by spilling hot coffee, or suddenly jumping up declaring that the day is getting away and there is ‘much to do’. The intimate moment is diverted by the drama. Thus, the need to FEEL the moment is also redirected.
I pulled her aside one day and made her sit quietly with me. I explained to her that all the anxiety she was experiencing was of her OWN CREATION. I walked her back through the past year. After the remodel of her old home, there was contentment. There was peace. It was beautiful. So what triggered her sudden ‘need’ to usurp all that had been nicely laid out? Answer: it was too complacent. Too peaceful. Too boring!
The same is true with your relationship. When your relationship reaches that comfortable place, YOU may think it’s perfect. Your drama-addicted S.O. doesn’t know what to do with the peace. He/She tosses a wrench in it just to get the *charge* of conflict- and to distract from true intimacy.
If you are on a relationship rollercoaster of drama and chaos, you DO have options! You can ride the roller coaster, anticipating the blow ups or, you can realize how unhealthy this is for YOU, and remove yourself. You, alone, are not going to “fix” a drama-addict. That requires professional help, and most times a drama-addict is not interested in this.