You’ve been chatting with Mr. Wonderful for weeks. You sent him photos of you that show your pretty face, and are a couple of years old (because you haven’t changed that much). Finally you set a date to meet!
The minute that you lock eyes with him, your heart sinks. You can feel by the way he looks at you that he’s disappointed. The photos you sent didn’t show the 25 lbs. you’ve gained…did they?
You may think that the only reason you didn’t get a second date with Mr. Oh so Wonderful is because you’re carting around a few extra pounds. No, these aren’t five “vanity” pounds, these are more like twenty-five pounds. You refer to yourself as “curvy” and “voluptuous” … there’s more of you to love.
You also tell yourself how well you hid your smoker’s breath with some very potent mints, and sprayed yourself down with Fabreeze and some expensive perfume. After all, if this were to work out into a serious relationship, you’d quit. Quitting smoking is easy… right?
So why didn’t you get a second date, let alone a phone call after meeting him? You looked great and covered up your extra pounds the best that you can. Furthermore, if someone is going to “judge” you on appearance alone, he MUST be superficial. You tell your friends he was looking for a “Barbie Doll” and that is certainly not YOU!
You are right… there is some validity to that “superficial” side. We live in a physical world. WE are physical beings and it’s that physical attraction that hooks us in the first place. Ok, he (or she) can forgive a few pounds. With some exercise and a good diet that will come off.
But, the cigarette smell that lingered into your peppermint breath was a REAL turn off. If you smoke, then the obvious thought is that you don’t exercise, or feel the need to take pride in yourself and your health. If you don’t exercise how can you possibly enjoy ACTIVE activities. Hiking would leave you breathless. Forget surfing, water skiing, snow skiing – your date has already ASSUMED that you won’t be able to keep up with him (or her).
Suppose that your date did some very far-reaching thoughts. Imagine that he saw the two of you married…and you lying on the couch wearing an oxygen mask, too weighted down to even reach for the remote control on the T.V. Due to all your inactivity, you gained an additional seventy-five pounds on top of the twenty-five he forgave you for when you met; he thought that he would mean enough to you to change your lifestyle.
With this thought process in mind, imagine that he comes to the realization that NOTHING can coax you into changing your “lifestyle”. You are who you are – someone that doesn’t really care much for herself. In effect, he IS accepting you for you….
Here is a clue: If YOU don’t care about you enough to improve your lifestyle, how can you expect someone ELSE to motivate you into doing it? Only YOU, and you alone can make that change. It begins by stop using excuses. Put out that nasty cigarette, get on some walking shoes and start having some quality ME time for you!