What are the components for a truly successful relationship? Good conversation, chemistry, physical attributes- compounded with respect, honesty, trust and trust, and did I say trust? I’m going to set these staples aside, and dive right into what ingredients cement the relationship – are the glue that keep it together.
I’ve observed thousands of couples, and the ones I’m intrigued with seem to have mastered these key ingredients for keeping their relationship happy, healthy and most critical: growing and evolving.
As individuals, we are always expanding our minds, belief systems, approaching situations with new perspectives. This is ‘growing’. Your partner should be growing with you. First on this list, then, is a critical “ASSIST EACH OTHERS GROWTH” .
Second, in order to assist each other through growing times, your COMMUNICATION skills need to be fine-tuned to each other. Just because you may not view something from the same perspective doesn’t make him/her *wrong*. Talk to each other about their points of view. A healthy debate is great for stretching brain cells.
In the process of this healthy debate, I bring up the third ingredient for a successful relationship: LOSE the NEED to be RIGHT. Why is it so important for YOU to sway your partner to your belief? When you have the need to be right, fundamentally; this is all ego-created. You don’t have to be right, or wrong… did it ever occur to you that it’s OK to just be OPEN? That you ARE able to adopt additional ideas that will enhance your point? You don’t even need to succumb your primary focus, but add to it. An “Interesting, I never looked at it that way before” validates you both.
While you are opening your mind to new perspectives, it brings up the fourth component in a successful relationship: Fight Fair. You’re not always going to get along fabulous, there are going to be bad days in both your lives. External factors play a key role in shaping our attitudes throughout any given day. Someone at work really boiled your blood. The promotion you were expecting didn’t come through. The school called – AGAIN, and little Tommy was acting up. These are just a few examples that can add pressure and anxieties to us. We are human, after all, with human brains that have to process this.
At the end of the day, your partner could say something very innocent to you and accidentally ignite a huge blow up. Out of the arsenal that you may have been holding onto come all the accusations and complaints because he/she isn’t perfect. Oh, STOP right there. You and I both know this is simply mis-directed anger and SO unfair! Be honest with yourself and locate the REAL source of your anger.
And, while you’re being honest it takes me to my fifth critical ingredient of maintenance of a successful relationship: LAUGH. There is a saying “Laughter is the best medicine”. It’s not just a saying, it’s a rule for life. Whatever ails you at the moment can immediately be wiped away starting with a chuckle, and developing into full blown hysterical laughing. FIND the HUMOR. The seemingly *worst* of times are really pieces being laid in the memory scrapbook…stories to be retold. And these are bonding experiences.
I’m sure there are more than five ingredients, this is simply my list. Create your own, and discover what is important to you! Vow to be and become a better partner for your significant other – wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend- just be present in his/her life. Relationships do not HAVE to be all boring, and heavy… really!
Sending you angels,